A ByWater Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through ByWater,
Not a creature was stirring, (except maybe the Hogfather).
The presents were wrapped, the tree was alight,
With our cat Jack in the branches (a 13-pound furry sprite).

My wife and I were snuggled down in our chairs,
With another cat each, lap-napping without care.
I with my tablet, and my wife with hers,
Watching Firefly reruns (still holding a grudge against Fox, those curs).

When from my Android phone there arose such a clatter,
I snatched it up to see what was the matter.
Nagios was barking, sites were going down.
There was so much red in the status lights, it looked like Dexter had come to town.

Dumping Zoe on the floor–she gave me an indigent look–
I ran to my computer to see what was afoot.
Yep, sites were locking up, one after the other,
Like dominoes they fell. Oh, the horror.

When what did my wondering eyes did see,
But pixie dust streaming from my computer’s USB.
It took on a familiar shape, oh what luck.
It was St. Linux-Nick, wearing a rather snazzy Tux.

“Ho Ho Ho, my boy, do not worry,” said he.
“It’s just some Gremlins being very naughty, you see.
I’ll take care of this one, just you observe.
They think this is fun, but they’ll get what they deserve.”

“I’ll revoke their sudo, and change their root passwords too,
They won’t know what hit them once I get through.
I’ll reboot their laptops to Windows,” he said with glee.
“And a final touch, what fun, I’ll give them all the BSOD.”

Sitting down at my keyboard, his fingers they flew,
Soon my sites were coming back up, as my admiration of his hacking skills grew.
Then with a twinkle and wave, he swept away into the night.
And I heard him exclaim, as he vanished out of sight:

“Now Brendan, now Nate,
Now Nicole and D Ruth.
On Melia, on Cindy, and Joy
(Go easy on the vermouth).

On Jesse, and Ed,
And Thatcher down under,
Code-away, code-away Kyle,”
I heard him thunder.

“Code-away Elliot
(and stop chasing that snitch).”
And with that I say, Merry Christmas to All.
Yours truly, the SysAdmin Grinch.

With sincerest apologies to Mr. Moore.

Read more by Larry Baerveldt